Working in the School 2021

A lot has happened personally the past two weeks.

Now working in the schools has become mundane, so I don’t really have much to say about it anymore. There are times that a kid sneezes without their mask on, or has gone into quarantine when I have been their sub, however that is just the world I work in now.

I will say, and I have said it many times, I am just waiting for the day that I don’t have to say,

“Remember, please keep your mask up.”

But honestly, that is not the thing that has been eating away at me, from least to worse life events.

My back went out again, and I am getting ablation done again. Working as a para is stressful. Not just emotionally, but physically. They honestly deserve either a bigger paycheck or more staff.

That is the thing that I always notice, because I see the lack of support from the community first hand. Schools can do nothing without money from the community. Federal funding only goes so far. But I digress.

Second thing, a friend of mine, his wife ended up in the hospital with covid. I haven’t really heard what the verdict of that has become.

The big thing is that I lost a friend. Not to go into to much detail, but he had medical issues before the outbreak of the virus, and his health just got worse during the quarantine and beyond.

I have said many times that I haven’t really had the time to grieve and deal with it. Mainly because as a substitute teacher I am in high demand, but the other is all the writing projects I also have.

I am moving forwards, pushed almost, which in some ways is cathartic, in others I wish I could just have a moment to deal with it. I don’t know drink and watch Wolf Children. Just have a really good, ugly, cry. The type where you can just let the emotion out. Like in some ways being stoic can be beneficial, life doesn’t pause after all, but in others, it would be nice to just cry. Something that I have had to honestly re-learn.

That’s a horse of a different color though.

Despite the hardships of this year, I have enjoyed teaching, enough to actually consider it as a full time career.

However I love the freedom of being a substitute teacher, I have writing projects, and if we weren’t so close to the end of the school year and summer, I probably could take a couple of weeks off to deal with my emotions. Honestly because I have about 2 and a half, almost 3 months off, I need to budget ahead. Which means I have to have enough money to last me those 3 months.

Which, since I am helping my grandfather pass, it’ll be tough. This has been a ‘year’. I won’t go into detail, but my grandfather, who was drafter in WW2, who is deafish, who served in the Navy on a base in Arizona (I think, it was in the middle of the states ‘down’ southwest), and 95 years old is going to pass soon.

During the quarantine I was helping my mom and her sister take care of him, and we would talk about his life. Every time he talked about flying planes for the Navy, he would tear up, and I could tell it was something he regretted. My grandfather only made it to the 8th grade. He could fly the plane, like a taxi, but he was never going to be allowed more than that. Or at least that is my understanding from him.

Honestly without my Friends and Family, this year would have been soul crushing.

And I will acknowledge this is more personal, and the world itself it reeling from all the upheaval, the hate, the virus, however both are ‘the mind killer’. The world is ups and downs, and the older we get, the easier it is to handle them. There have been a lot of downs, and while the ups are not guaranteed, change is. Weather the bad, enjoy the good. It’s what we all have to do.